BSD – Bheta (son) separation disorder – The dilemmas of an Asian husband!

BSD – Bheta (son) separation disorder – The dilemmas of an Asian husband!

Three years of marriage clearly makes me the source of all knowledge when it comes to Asian marriage. But really I’m here to reflect on dilemmas that British Asian husbands have to deal with across the UK.

Maa da ladla bhigir gaya! Loosely translated to Mummy’s boy is off the rails!

Bheta (son) separation disorder;

Presuming the average age for marriage is 26 years old. Your mother has had you in her life for 26 years and 9 months (give or take), now when this new fresh faced daughter in law comes home, jealousy is going to set in….Right?

Now I’m not sure that jealousy is the right word here, but we all know that most Asian boys are pretty lazy and heavily reliant on their mothers.

Ami (mum)… iron my clothes, clean my dishes, put my shoes away, clean my room, give me money… etc etc

I’m sorry to stereotype! But I’m a huge believer in equal gender roles within Asian households. Personally I grew up in a 90’s household, having 2 brothers and 1 sister… the expectations placed on my sister in terms of domestic duties far exceeded the pressure on us boys!

Now having had that much influence on you chota babloo (little boy) for so long is definitely going to have a psychological effect on any mother.

Is the main woman, the main source of social and psychological support now going to change to this new woman… as my father says… “Behind every successful man is a woman!”

There is a change in dynamics, especially if you live with your parents… As comedian Paul Chowdhry has said in many of his sketches… Punjabi son says “Dad I want to move out..” Punjabi dad says “You want to do what B*****d?!”

It’s for this reason you begin to see the same common phrases… you’ve changed since you’ve been married, you don’t remember your mother, she’s changed you, you don’t have time for your parents etc

These phrases are for the lukiest amongst us, if you’re unlucky you end up with the illness phase, the headache, the stress symptoms etc

If you’ve really pissed her off, you’ll get the recreation of a scene from her favourite Zee/Sony/Geo drama series! *Dramatic lighting please!*

It doesn’t end here… while all this drama takes place, you’re then going to have to balance your wives feelings and emotions… you will hear the following… I’ve left my house to be with you! On repeat like a 90’s record baby!

I’d love to hear your comments about this topic, I’ll be releasing the rebellious daughter in law post soon. Please let me know if you’d want me to cover anything specific!

Also, if you’re not married don’t let this put you off, just start doing your domestic duties and book your dream Asian wedding venue using Perfect Planner!

Until next time… for any Bhangra fans like myself, listen to Boliyan RDB ft GI Jatt!


  1. Yazmin

    I don’t feel sorry for the son, I feel like when a man is not married, his mother spoiling him is nice but when he gets married, he’s responsible for another person, his wife and that’s when the metaphorical umbilical chord with his mum should be cut and he should be more independent and responsible. In Islam/the animal kingdom/early days, the men were meant to be our protectors, by mother’s babying them, they lose that protector instinct and end up being the protected. I don’t like that, as strong as we women are now, physically, emotionally, mentally etc we require our men to be strong too! No room for weak BSD men here

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